mnmlist: Self-esteem and judging
There isn’t much these days that doesn’t get reviewed. I was recently asked to review my experience of using a review site. Paper clips and people, boats and bars are all given a star rating.
It seems everyone’s default mode is set to “judge”. If it moves judge it; if it doesn’t move judge it anyway. I’m not saying we don’t need to make judgements about things but the balance seems a little one sided. When do we find time to judge ourselves.
Imagine a world where nobody judged anyone else, where the only person that anyone ever judged, was themselves. Imagine too that their judgements where pretty accurate.
We’d never need to ask, “How does this tie look?” or “Do you like my new hair-do?” We wouldn’t need to ask because we’d know that nobody would judge us. I also think the reason that
we need to ask these questions in the first place is that we are simply not used to accurately evaluating our own image and actions. We have trouble with the estimates of ourselves. We struggle with our self-esteem.
I am now very careful about the estimates of me I listen to. I noticed historically that the estimates of me I listened to most carefully where not the people I cared for the most and surely this should be the case. It’s not that I don’t listen to what people say about me. Well-meaning and thoughtful feedback is useful but the person chairing my self-esteem committee meetings has to be me.
When I meet people, I try to be working so hard on judging my own actions that I don’t get time to judge theirs.